Reflections on John McKendy – Friend, Teacher, Peacemaker
By Vince Zelazny
From: Quaker Concern, Vol. 35 #1, Winter 2009

John McKendy, a good Friend of us at CFSC, died suddenly and tragically on October 30, 2008, by the hand of a family member. A professor of Sociology at St. Thomas University in Fredericton, John was intensely interested in social justice and equality, which fed his critique of the criminal justice system and his interest in the welfare of prisoners and of those who imprison. John was a wonderful man, well known to many as a good father and friend, an inspiring teacher, and a prison volunteer.

He also had a new-found passion for Africa, having travelled to Burundi twice to bring Alternatives to Violence Project (AVP) workshops to people there; he worked with the African Great Lakes Initiative of Friends Peace Teams (a CFSC-supported project), helping to establish a woman’s health centre as well.

John’s research as a sociologist drew him to prison, where he would listen to the stories of men incarcerated for violence. Poverty and a history of sexual or physical abuse were the two common themes shared by large numbers of the inmates with whom he spoke. These concerns were important to John, and peace work in response to personal violence was a clear focus of John’s love and work.

The Alternatives to Violence Project was one of the focal points of John’s life that gave him an outlet to be among friends and in solidarity with the poor, the weak and the powerless. During our weekend AVP workshops at Dorchester Penitentiary near Sackville, NB, participants included men and women who worked at eradicating violence from our lives.

AVP was created by Quakers in New York State during the 1970s, but I believe that its central message of “transforming power” was captured well by Isaac Penington, in the 17th century:

“The sum and substance of true religion does not consist of merely getting a notion of Christ’s righteousness, but in feeling the power of endless life, receiving the power, and being changed by the power. And where Christ is, there is Christ’s righteousness.”

In relating his first experiences of AVP, John would describe the first time he sat face to face with a large, muscular prisoner, doing time for violence, who bore tattoos all over his arms–and John was not a large man and how, by following the simple instructions of the exercise, he and the man encountered each other simply as human beings, and move on from there.

One prisoner, Joe, progressed through AVP to become an experienced facilitator. His transformation into a self-possessed, communicative man inspired his fellow inmates. At John’s memorial at the Dorchester chapel in mid November, Joe simply and eloquently eulogized his friend: “Meeting John McKendy was the best thing that ever happened to me”.

An essential ingredient of every AVP workshop I shared with John was the fun we had. Exercises and occasions for discussion or sharing are regularly punctuated by games called “Light and Livelies”. “Bump tag” is an exuberant game of tag designed for small spaces with many participants. John was good at bump tag, where he displayed the lightness of his feet and his speed. I remember how he would bounce on his toes before darting in one direction or another in his trademark running shoes, smiling and laughing.

Here we are, friends and family, those of us left behind, seeking a meaning in this terrible tragedy. If John had a fault, it was that he always took a chance on loving a person, and he knowingly bore the risks that come with unconditional love, which are considerable as we have learned.

There is an apparent contradiction here for us to wrestle with–is loving others too much a fault? Each of us has our own threshold for risks we will bear for love. Some of those with the highest threshold are revered spiritual leaders, like Jesus of Nazareth, Gandhi, and Martin Luther King Jr. I believe John knew what kinds of risks he took. It was sometimes difficult for those closest to him to accept his choices, but when his mind was made up, he would not be moved. His faithfulness to love is inspirational to many.

John’s sudden departure leaves a huge hole in the Fredericton Worship Group and in AVP New Brunswick. However, the tragedy seems to be drawing us closer together. With the help of the Creator we will try to patch the hole by each of us, according to our measure, growing into it. But we can’t replace John. In spite of his tragic death, we can take some comfort: John succeeded tremendously in life by his example of selfless sharing among the many people he touched; that love has multiplied, and we can now liberate it through our own lives, among our families, with our friends, and on into our communities.

Vince Zelazny is a board member of CFSC, serving on the Quakers Fostering Justice (QFJ) program committee, and is a member of New Brunswick Monthly Meeting.