Special Reading Issue
August 1997

• What Canst Thou Say
  Anne-Marie Zilliacus
• Remedial Visioning
  Paige Prichard Kennedy
• Le Quinze Zoo
  Clive Doucet
• His and Hers
  Beth Brenneman
• Transformation, For Pearl               
  Joanne Monti

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Transformation

There is a difference
between
being pain
and feeling pain.

I know that now.

There is a difference
between
being joy
and feeling joy.

I know that, too.

The way to this has been
a path,
a path both perilous
and petrifying,
inside,
downward
to the gnarly roots,
the deep dark earth smell
of myself.

I have found
no new thing
or thought
which has not been there always,
camouflaged, perhaps,
or even stolen -
waiting for me.

My rage boils,
I am left with rage.

You are my older friend
And I have grown
to care for you
in older ways.
The ways of women
sitting in the sunlight,
laughing,
drinking tea
and talking of
the many types of applesauce.

Old-fashioned applesauce,
old-fashioned children
with their curiosity
about the fruit in season
and their happiness to just play store.

I saw your happiness today,
Tho' we did more than play.

You have walked with me
Through all the awfulness
And helped to hold me up
Into the Light

You are a blessing to my life
Sweet Friend.